Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
