The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
