a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
