He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
