He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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