it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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