You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
