You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
