I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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