I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
