well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize