so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
