dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
