I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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