as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
