Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
