Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
