I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
