i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
