i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
