Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
