i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
you never un-have a 4some
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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