he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
