38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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