i wish my penis had a tongue
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
