He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
