I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
