bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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