I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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