It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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