I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize