so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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