you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Your cock deserves a montage
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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