Houston, we have a squirter
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
