I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
