I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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