My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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