Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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