If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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