I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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