Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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