she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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