I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
