how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
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people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
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You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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