Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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