Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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