No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
