I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
