yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i out mim tonsoeep
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
