Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
