I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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