i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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