I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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