made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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