I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
