Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
