so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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