We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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