You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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