I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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