....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
