I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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