i'm signing you up for texting rehab
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
