i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
