she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
