So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize