I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
