I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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