I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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