I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
