shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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