you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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