he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
