Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
